The Love for My Two Daughters is Something Worth Dying and Quitting For

This is a guest post from Nimfa on this Valentines Day.

Three months ago I was crying.

I was crying because I feel miserable. I felt guilty and I was sick and tired living the life of a smoker.

My eldest daughter approached and asked me for two dollars. She was hungry and she wanted to buy some waffles.

I didn’t give her any money, “there’s plenty of food inside the house,” I said. And she turned around teary eyed.

But the truth was, my cash during that time was just enough to buy a pack of cigarette. It hurts like hell seeing my daughter disappointed but I couldn’t do anything, I need my kick.

My name is Nimfa and I’m a single parent mom of two lovely daughters, I have two jobs and I am doing my best to make ends meet for the three of us.

I am an ex-smoker and this is my story.

I smoke half a pack a day or sometimes one pack a day.

I have a regular day time job and a part time job. My salary is just enough to sustain our needs and I am really stretching every dollar I earn. Aside from our basic needs I also need to cover the cost of my nicotine addiction which was costing me four dollars a day.

We were living a frugal life. And I would rather blame it to my daughters or to someone else if I exceed my spending limit rather than blaming it to my smoking habit.

I couldn’t believe my addiction would control my life like this and the people who are paying the price were my two daughters.

I started smoking when I was in my teens. When I tried quitting in my early thirties, it was then I discovered that smoking has become part of my life. I can’t quit. No matter what I do, I simply can’t.

As the years progressed, I observed the deterioration of my health. My relationship with others was affected as well. I have mood swings and irritations that most often people try to avoid.

Things are getting worse and I always pray I would find a solution to my problem.

But after the incident with my daughter about the waffles, after I lied to her, my conscience consumed me.

I cursed myself for becoming an addict and now I realized, it’s not just ruining my life, but this time it’s also destroying my relationship to my two daughters.

So I told myself I need to do something to change my status in life; I need to quit smoking.

So I bought books, I read almost all articles I could find in the Internet until I discovered this quit smoking blog. Rudy has been very helpful along the way. He responded to each email I sent him. I followed his advise and I harnessed the power of autosuggestion.

So I wrote my script [positive statements of becoming a non-smoker] on a piece of index card and read it many times each day. When my quitting day arrived I threw all my cigarettes and paraphernalia. I was able to hold back for one day. Unfortunately I relapsed the following day because of one stupid driver.

Everything happened so fast.

A foolish guy cut my lane as I was about to drop my daughter to school. I was so angry and stressed I bought a pack on the nearest store I passed.

As I lit my first cigarette, it dawned back to me, I could see vividly the teary eyed face of my daughter when I didn’t give her the money she was asking and I told myself I really need to quit.

My index card was always with me and I was reading it several times a day. As my quitting journey continued, I know something different was happening. The smell and taste of cigarettes are becoming awful. Little by little my body was reacting to my addiction and each time I take a puff, I feel like throwing up.

One night, I stopped by a store when I was going home to buy a gum. Then in front me I saw a nicotine gum stacked on the shelves. I was reluctant at first, then I remembered someone who used the patches and quit successfully.

I bought one box. It was expensive, but I thought if it would help me quit then it’s worth the cost.

I arrived home, I cooked and had dinner with my kids and went to sleep. The following morning I felt a strong desire to smoke but I controlled myself. I hold on until I finally reached the office. And instead of lighting a cigarette I popped one gum into my mouth and followed the instruction.

The urge became manageable. I disliked the taste of the gum but I have no other choice. The gum was doing its worked so I crumpled the remaining 4 cigarettes in my cigarette case and threw them away.

That afternoon I was so irritable. I shouted at one of our customers. I was shocked with what I did and I apologized explaining that I was trying to quit smoking.

On the fourth day things became manageable. The cravings were becoming minimal and I was certain I’m almost done with the withdrawal stage. The happiness I felt deep inside was astronomical.

That night I hugged my eldest daughter. I cried and apologized about the waffles and told her it won’t happen again. We were both moved and not long enough the youngest joined us and soon the three of us were crying. I told them I have been a bad mom for living a frugal life in order to pamper my addiction. But this time I told them things will be different, this time they will be my priorities in life.

They said that the side effects of quitting smoking were nasty. I guess it isn’t true, aside from coughing all the time, crackling and releasing phlegm, I felt great.

My life changed. It was like a miracle. My severe mood swing and irritations simply left me. People at the office started talking to me often and I felt I was living in a complete new world.

I also stopped taking smoke breaks at work and I increase my production by two fold. My superiors noticed the increase in my productivity and soon they promoted me as supervisor.

I’m happy now with my life. My relationship with my two daughters improved tremendously. My financial status improved as well and now we could buy things which we never thought we could buy before.

Hopefully my story will inspire others to quit smoking.

Awesome story Nimfa, thank you.

Happy Valentines day everyone.

 

 

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